The Keystones and Capstones of our Lives

“The Keystones and Capstones of our Lives”

I’ve heard this one before. I’ve always been a member; so obviously, this lesson reaches far back into my LDS Primary, Sunday School, Relief Society, Young Women’s, General Conference, Preach My Gospel lesson filled life. However, I was sitting in Relief Society on Sunday morning with my mom and grandmother on a beautiful Mother’s Day and this lesson hit me like that one time the next door neighbor boy hit me with a baseball bat. It hit hard. It hit home.

What is a keystone? The Prophet Joseph Smith taught us that the Book of Mormon is the keystone to our religion. Why exactly does it play such a significant role? Remember how he also said, “Take away the Book of Mormon and the revelations, and where is our religion? We have none.” …Yikes. Now, I am not going to talk about the miracle of the Book of Mormon much here, as I will save that for another richer filled post. Suffice it to say, I have a strong testimony of its truthfulness and in its ability to change people’s lives. I would like for now to focus on why it is referred to as the keystone.

A keystone is found in an architectural arch structure made from wedge-shape pieces that lean against each other. The middle piece, or keystone, is usually larger than the other wedges and locks the other stones in place. The Book of Mormon literally holds our religion together. [Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service, Ch. 5, (2004)] Without it, the rest of the laws and principles of the gospel would find difficulty standing on their own. Who would they lean on then?

I began to think sitting next to those two beautiful women I come from, “What is my keystone? …What has played such a significant role in my life that it literally holds me together as an individual?” Then I entertained the thought that perhaps, there was more than just one keystone. How many arches had I built throughout the course of my young life? Many.

I am currently working at Brigham Young University-Idaho as a peer advisor. I have done this for several years and as I sit down with students and help them class plan there are always pre-requisites to take into consideration. If the student does not plan for those pre-reqs first, the graduation planner tool will highlight the later class as red, reminding the student that they will not be able to add the course until the pre-requisite course has first been completed. They are rather annoying. I have had several pre-reqs to my education that have frustrated me. But, but, but, I understand the principle as to why. Without those preparatory classes, I would not do so well later down my educational road. Recently I had a pre-req waived for me. I was ecstatic! It was grrreeeaat. However I will be quite honest that I struggled through the upper-level division class a bit. I came out alright but it would have been beneficial to have taken the time to understand the material through its previous course first.

Keystones are the pre-requisites in our lives.

There is such a thing as a Capstone class as well. Ever heard of that? That’s right; it’s the course you take at the end of your Senior year that sums up all the information for that particular subject. It’s a review. It’s the finishing layer on the cake. It tests you to see if you really know your stuff before graduating. So…let me ask you this question. What are the Capstones in your life? What are the finishing and protective stones across your life arch?

And why does this even matter?

Well it struck me to my core that Sunday morning that as painful as some of those keystones had been, I had learned extraordinary things from them. I had actually evolved as a Spirit and I felt closer to God. I was spiritually growing up. I felt closer to God because I had actually become more like Him. Pain does wonders for the average person. It wakes you up. It builds you. And then someday, someday…you finally get to lay the Capstone down. You get to stand back and say, “Look at what I have learned. And look how beautiful it all is.”

My advice? Do not fear the central keystones. They are the fundamental pieces to the puzzle(s).

...They will build you.

When it comes to trainers and trainees.

Recently, I had a sweet new sister missionary email me with trainer problems. Her email stated, 

"My trainer and I just aren't getting along at all...like I'm pretty sure she hates me and isn't talking to me for the past three days. I don't think I did anything but I'm just so confused and I'm just having a really hard time. Can you just pray for me? And any advice? How did you not get along with your trainer? Is it just a trainer thing and once you get past the first few months things are better. Honestly I wish the transfer was now but it's in a whole other month! Ahhh! I'm going to go crazy. I've just prayed to Heavenly Father for help and I know he will deliver and I can get through this."

My reply-

Dear sweet Sister (              ),

I am so glad you emailed me about this. Don't try and push through the tough times by yourself. First, rely on your Father in Heaven and the Atonement. Those two things are going to get you through the next month and for the rest of your life whenever times get tough. I had a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father before my mission...or so I thought. But you will never grow closer to Him then when He is the only one you can rely on and the only one to turn to. My trainer and I didn't get along from Day 1. I was SO surprised! We were very different. She didn't think the way I did. I thought that going on a mission would be the greatest adventure of my life and I had imagined myself walking alongside my companion, Book of Mormons in hand with "Called to Serve" playing in the background and dust flying behind us...Epic. But it's a bit of a wake-up call when you are first adjusting to a missionary lifestyle. I remember feeling so guilty and un-Christlike because I didn't like my companion. I was supposed to be this perfect missionary! Let me tell you right now, there is no such thing. That was one of my greatest personal struggles on the mission...not. being. perfect. I tried to be consecrated but I fell short every single time. And that is where the Savior along with His Atonement became my best friend. He made up for it all and told me again and again to stop beating myself up about it. 

So, here's what I learned from my first two transfers with my trainer:

1. We are still girls. Yes, we are set apart as full-time missionaries but we are going to have bad days...and even worse days once every month.

2. Her decisions are not my fault. Yes, we are responsible as a companionship to look out for one another but if she decides not to like me...that is her choice. 

3. Service. Try killing her with kindness. It's a great way to work on self-pride. (*Warning- this one can be the hardest to do) 

4. Focus on the work. Do everything you can to just plunge in and think of others.

5. There ARE angels around you. The unseen ARE THERE. You are never alone. 

and 

6. Focus on the tender mercies that God WILL send to help you get through the right now. 

Remember, to those who are keeping the commandments of God and doing everything they can to do His will, He has promised that "No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper". I would like to say though, that later towards the end of my mission, I was able to look back and realize that I appreciated my trainer so much. When I was the one training, I discovered that she had actually done quite a lot for me. My respect for trainers began to grow. I have never liked being told what to do and being submissive and gentle was SO HARD FOR ME when I was first being trained as a missionary. But I learned to check my temper and to pick my battles wisely. And now, I am realizing that those first few months with my trainer have prepared me for marriage and for life in general. Your mission will shape you into what God can already see and what you cannot. Be patient and live the next few weeks by WWJD. You may ask, what would Jesus do? Well, He would love your trainer and have patience with all her imperfections. Do your best to do the same. ...It will not be easy. 

Ask your family to put your name in the temple. Missionaries already are being prayed for in every temple that dots the earth. You are getting many prayers!  I remember well how hard it can be out there and prayers will make such a difference. I promise you that. 

Remember you are loved! 

LOVE, 

HS 

Grateful for my hurricane.

How can I ever thank everyone for the prayers and fasting on my behalf?? 

...Can someone please tell me how? I'd really like to know.

 President Miller called me before I went in and told me that the mission would be fasting for me on Friday as I went in for my knee surgery.

This has been one darn interesting storm in the hurricane life I feel I've been living. 

What "pre-surgery fake happiness" looks like:)

What "post-surgery no chance of faking it this time" looks like:/

Now I remember why I used to joke about waiting for the Second Coming before going through another knee surgery. 

Not my cup of tea. 

Apparently, the surgery went well. My ACL was successfully reconstructed (this time using my own not so wimpy tendons, thank you very much), the shredded meniscus removed, and  I came out of anesthesia just fine...that is until I started swelling up and hives broke out over my face. ..Still haven't figured that one out. Then after coming home for a time we took a fun little midnight run to the ER 24 hours later because I couldn't seem to uh, breathe. They don't classify wheezing and straw sucking as getting in your oxygen supply these days.

Again, Not my cup of tea. 

The doctor thought there was a possibility of a blood clot in my lungs, my mom almost lost it about then. We did a cat scan and he determined instead to start me on antibiotics for bronchitis as he didn't see any clots in the scans. Bronchitis. Of course. My old friend! After loading up on more IV meds and a breathing treatment from the respiratory department, I went home. The next day the nausea patch came off...BIG mistake. I threw up for two days and could not get food or liquids down for so long we almost made a second trip to the ER. I decided pain was better than the pain pills. When it rains it sure does pour. But as President Uchtdorf reminds us all, "How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?" True that my friends. Rain is needed but can be hard to be grateful for when we don't really feel like getting wet. However, without it we wouldn't see the end results so beautifully work themselves out. 

I know I have Dr. Millar, those sweet nurses, my momma, the King of re-filling the ice machine..also known as 'Dad', BF Alli and the NMAM missionaries for helping me through this week as well as countless others who've stepped up to help make me as comfortable as possible..

THANK YOU

I love this little brother of mine.

And it's time.

What an adventure this has all been. I am so grateful to God for giving me the time I had on my mission. Those 10+ months I had, are and always will be some of the most influential of my life. I came home a different person with more eternal friends, a bigger heart and my faith has grown substantially. It has continued to grow from this experience of coming home. The past 4 months have been some of the hardest I have endured in my life but every step of the way I have had incredible support from both seen and unseen angels. The people I am surrounded with and the love that has been shown was more than I could ever have hoped for. I received the news yesterday from the missionary department that I have officially been released. I put my papers in again wanting to give it my all, and I have. My Heavenly Father let me know a long time ago I think that it was over as a full-time missionary but that there was still much missionary work ahead of me. I have seen on so many occasions how the Lord has used me here in the Burley, Idaho mission as a member missionary. My testimony has only grown stronger. I also recognize the many tender mercies that have come from being released. I would have missed seeing my little brother by only a few days if I had never come home, as he is leaving to the Kumasi, Ghana mission on July 24th. I have been able to grow closer to him and help him get ready for his own missionary service. Since coming home I have had the revelation that it was for the best in coming home. Since stepping off the plane that terrible, not so happy day I have learned to understand my body on a greater scale. It has been a long and difficult journey. I have been sick almost every day for the last four months. I have learned patience, more about the precious gift of grace and the great power in priesthood blessings from the bulging disc in my L5 to going gluten and lactose free to steroid shots in my SI joints and to the knee surgery I now face. It has been one thing after another..quite literally. I have done my best to remain positive and happy but I truly have struggled from all this chronic pain that continues to plague my once-healthy body and many nights I have layed awake asking my Heavenly Father...why? 
He answered every time..."wait." 

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

I love this poem. I am always convinced by it. I am such an impatient person. What a downfall! What an area of my life in which I must grow! I want answers from God, and I want them on my terms and my time. I have found that I often learn more from the journey of waiting for the answer than I do from the answer itself. God is speaking to me. If I received the answers that I demand right now, I would never learn from the journey. One of my favorites lines in the poem is this: "But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart." I want to know the depth of the beat of His heart. That desire alone stirs something in me that says, "Emily, the wait will be worth it." I trust that God will carry me though the journey, while I wait ever longingly for His answers.




AND to top it all off...I got some awesome pictures from the mission this week. Two of my favorite missionaries, Elder Godinez and Hermana Adams doing the famous "Hermana Silva peace sign"...sigh, how I miss them...and doing my peace sign all the time.
*tender mercies in pictures

       

Here it is!!

...I am so proud of my little brother. He is going to be such a hard-working and diligent missionary. I know this already because I know how my big my brother's heart is. Austin has been my best-friend since age 3 and always has been such a hard working 'good-ole Idaho' boy with a good, solid testimony. I am going to miss him so much for these next two years..but if I have learned anything from my own service, it is that every hardship and every trial is worth much, much more than you will understand in this life...so surge forward and all of your losses will be made up.

Love you Tito! ...Em 

Morning traffic, motab, bagels, little brothers and zone conferences.

Good morning :) 

1 year ago today...this is what we were up to!

...Side note: For those of you who have been wondering, yes my papers have been resubmitted! But I am still waiting for an answer from the missionary department of whether they will let me back or not. I've been checking the mail every morning and still nothing but uh, this morning...somebody (aka, little brother) decided to beat me to it. 

Congratulations Elder Austin Joshua Silva! Can't wait to open it tonight!! 

Introducing...Sister Ludwig.

This beautiful Easter Sunday was a special one for our family. We all left to Boise to my twin cousin's farewell. Ashley, did a tremendous job with her talk and the spirit she carried was so sweet and strong. I felt so much love for my family and felt that Grandpa was there with us. After all, he would never miss a farewell of one of his grandchildren...especially one of his granddaughters. I thought of the Atonement all day long and was brought to tears many times. The Atonement is real! I testify of that with all my heart. Our Savior lives and He will return again. He loves every child of God and he especially loves His missionaries. Sister Ludwig has made us all proud by responding to the promptings of the Lord to serve a mission. I know that she will be an incredible missionary. I have watched her grow up and she has specific talents for specific people that the Lord is planning for her to teach. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with so many of our family missionaries out right now. Good luck Sister Ludwig!

What a beautiful sister missionary she is going to make!

The twins and I have grown up together and I can't believe we've reached this point in our lives! 

So proud of these two amazing women in my life. 

I'm calling it providential.

Like many of you, conference was definitely on the agenda for the weekend. So Alli and my awesome cousin Chazz drove up with me and we stayed with the Sorensen family Saturday night while planning on going to a Sunday session. The Sorensen's are my friend Heidi's family, who happens to be in Australia on her mission right now. We were so excited to stop in and see them. Several conferences ago it was at their house with Heidi, that I first heard the announcement that would tweak my plans and ultimately end up changing my life. It was so great to see them all again, but we definitely missed Heids being there.

These guys are FUN. One of a kind family.

This is where it starts getting providential for me. Cindy, is the best "doctor" I've talked to since being home I think. I mean of course, I've had some great doctors who I am beyond grateful for, but Heavenly Father led me to Cindy's home for a reason this week. And I am going to recognize this as a HUGE blessing from Him instead of calling it coincidence. This terrific mom gave me so many ways to improve some of my health problems because she and Heidi have been through some of the same things I've been pushing through. 

God bless the Sorensens. 

Anyways, Chazz, Alli and I had a terrific weekend enjoying each other's company, jokes and of course enjoying the Spirit of Conference like I'm sure you all did. I've missed Temple Square since being on my mission. The Spirit is almost like being in the MTC again.  

Then it just got CRAZY!...

 Meet my adorable cousin Sister Victoria Silva who is serving in the Salt Lake City mission. I didn't expect to see her at temple square though and especially with that sea of people. God led us to each other and somehow helped her recognize the back of my head! Seriously...she's good, especially since I just dyed my hair and it was in a bun. How she recognized me, I'll never know.
  

Silva cousins:) 

And then...I turn around and recognize Uncle Peter and Tia Tina...MORE Silva family! 

Call it providential, God-given, heaven-sent or all the above. But it was my weekend miracle. 

...

I think my Heavenly Father may really love me...

I saw 4 people from my mission! 

Including Hermana Reza who used to come out with me in Albuquerque to our lessons. 

We have now switched places wearing those name tags. 

But...both of us have always been and always will be missionaries for our Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

If you didn't have the opportunity to watch General Conference this week you can watch it here.

Call from Carmen.

My sweet friend Carmen that Sister Biancardi and I taught in Horizon City called me recently to see how I was doing and made my entire week. Best. Feeling. Ever. when an old investigator calls you. 

How I love the people I have taught on my mission, 

for they were the ones who actually taught me. 

Procedure #2 done...and hoping for NO more :)

Thursday morning we took yet another trip to Boise to meet up with Dr. Harris at the Intermountain surgery center. Procedure #1 with only 5 shots in the spine wasn't so bad but since it didn't seem to work very well for me, he decided it best that we turn up the volume a little for Procedure #2...I was so completely nervous. I thought about it apprehensively all week long... 

This smile is a total lie. A total lie my friends.

This is REALLY how I was feeling.

 I started getting super nervous, which I've never had a problem with needles or anything before, but 

HOLY. COW. 

I looked at my mom with this kind of look like "get me out of here". I have no idea what my face looked like to her but she immediately got up and found a nurse to get me some Valium haha. They had told me not to eat or drink before the procedure which led me to believe that they'd put me out. Anyways, it turned out that they left me conscious and ended up turning up the volume with 25 plus shots in my SI joints, with so many steroids that my body is now beyond  jittery. It's so hard to sleep...I think I need more Valium haha. I've been sore for a few days but feeling some improvements! Finally. We are a step in the right direction. I still have an epidural to go in my L5 vertebrae to look forward to though. I've had more doctor appointments than I would care to admit in just this last month and have been put on even more and more medication. My body seems to be having so many side-complications and is so darn weak.. so, I've taken to walking by the river as MUCH as I possibly can. 

My goal now, is to not feel like I'm 90 years old. :)

wish me luck.

Introducing...

...my new best friend. 

Apparently walking around with a protonics machine attached to your leg...helps your lower back????? 

Since I am so "twisted" the therapist is doing everything he can to straighten me back out again. Therefore somehow strengthening my ham strings will help balance out my left torn ACL and THAT is supposed to help me do all that un-twisting my body just keeps doing. 

So along with this now, I'll just keep trusting in the Lord and taking pain pills :) 

Note: awkward can be at a whole new level with this thing.

One year past.

For me it's hard to imagine, but this week on February 6th, I woke up and realized I'd hit my year mark. Nothing much to celebrate but its bizarre to look back and realize a year has past and gone already. I know they say this often but,

where has the time gone? 

When I left to the MTC, (craziest day of my life) I knew my purpose and had these words in my heart...

and a year later I still do, just with a lot more memories attached to it. 

"It may not be o'er the mountain height or over the stormy sea. It may not be at the battle's front, my Lord will have need of me. But if by a still small voice He calls, to paths that I do not know, I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in thine, I'll go where you want me to go. I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord. O'er mountain, or plane or sea. I'll say what you want me to say dear Lord, I'll be what you want me to be.

Perhaps there are loving words that Jesus would have me speak. There may be some in the paths of sin some wanderer whom I should seek. Oh Savior, if thou wilt be my Guide, tho dark and rugged the way. My voice shall echo thy message sweet, I'll say what you want me to say. I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord, o'er mountain or plane or sea. I'll say what you want me to say dear Lord, I'll be what you want me to be. There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so white, where I may labor in life's short day for Jesus the Crucified. So trusting my all to thy tender care, and knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere. 

I'll be what you want me to be."

 Best moment of my life up to par. Putting on that tag is terribly awesome. 

I got an email from some of my favorite missionaries who are serving in the Monterrey/Puebla Mexico missions this week saying hello and reminding me of our MTC anniversary. 

Eternal friends are made in the Missionary Training Center.

I miss District B all the time. 

An almost perfect day in Brigham City.

I had an almost perfect day in Brigham City yesterday. 

We ran out of gas and got stuck in traffic and I may have thrown up the entire way home but it was so worth every not-so-fun moment for all those wonderful ones in between. I can't tell you how much fun it was to walk into that sealing room and see my missionary friends from NMAM (and yes, my shortness is more than evident here). (Elder) Jackson Eaton looked so darn happy with his beautiful bride sitting next to him and my good friends (Elders) Lincoln Baliff, Dallas Turnbow and David Steffensen were all there to celebrate the day too. I felt like I was back in MLC for a moment haha, (just missing the tags and President) but oh how it was fun. So. stinkin. fun. to catch up with them all and to be a part of that special day! What a sweet spirit we all felt there in the House of the Lord during our 'mini-reunion' of sorts. 

Missing ALL of my missionary friends from the Albuquerque, New Mexico mission. 

...Hermana Silva

Every Minion a Missionary.

I've been so darn blessed to have been given the opportunity to get to know and work with so many awesome missionaries since I've been home. I've gone out with the Hermanas from the Rupert branch here locally and then I also go with the Elders from Paul 1st ward each week on Thursday to a part-member family's house who are progressing towards baptism! I've become such good friends with them and love seeing them come to church. I also met up with these two sweet sisters in Idaho Falls when I was up a few weeks ago. Have I ever told you that I LOVE the Lord's servants?! They are such hard workers and ever dedicated to our Father's great purpose. I try and go out with them whenever my body will let me. It is the BEST feeling to be able to share my testimony in the setting of someone's living room again and again. You don't realize how much you miss it until you don't do it as often as you used to...as in every. single. day. Missionary work is something that anyone can do! We all have a part in this marvelous work and wonder. All we need is...a testimony and love in our hearts.

 "Regardless of our age, experience or station in life, we are all missionaries." -Elder David A. Bednar 

I earnestly, earnestly pray that we will be ready and willing in heart, might, mind and strength as members of the true Church of Jesus Christ in these Latter Days to lend a helping hand in this work as we fulfill our baptismal covenant and work along side, shoulder to shoulder, smile to smile with His full-time servants in His vineyard for the last time. Don't Miss Out! 

...

And can I just please take this opportunity to include yet another sidenote about how much I dearly love and miss my sweet companion?????? She is a fantastic missionary. One of the most obedient missionaries I ever knew. And just look what she sent me this week?!! Just what I needed. 

Where she found this I have NO idea.

Re-living good "mish" memories through videos this week...

One of my favorites: Sister Adams "trying" to do a heel click Sister Missionary style. Someday she's gonna kill me for posting this. :) 

If Life We're Easy It Wouldn't Be Hard.

So I've made a decision to continue blogging my recovery process. I feel that this entire experience/challenge is a part of God's mission He has given to me. And I don't want to miss a thing, so that later I can look back and be grateful for these times past and for what I have learned. 

Although, working towards a full-recovery is not exactly eassssssyyyyy. 

May I just point out all of those dreaded little red tags on pretty much every medication of mine that reads, "May cause dizziness and/or drowsiness". NOT fun. I feel like I just sleep allllllllllllllllll of the time. Sleep, get up and try to eat something, sleep, eat and then sleep again. Although sometimes, if I'm lucky, I make it out to Walmart! ;)
I feel as weak as a newborn.

Just call me- "Pill-popper" :P
I hate being dependent on medication...but I guess I'm grateful for them too.
I'm also grateful for brilliant physical therapists, doctors and healing angels.

So, Diagnosis: Ummm...right. Where to begin? All I know is I've worked with like 6 specialists now (some in NM and now here) and they've all had different theories and opinions. What we've been able to basically figure out is that my L5 vertebrae is bulged (some kind of disc disease) that's also slipped in the lumbar region of my spine and that I have SI joint problems going on as well in my pelvis. My ligaments are inflamed like crazy from sitting down so much in the field on a malformed SI structure. And so we are now working on re adjusting my body back to it's normal and original "sphere". However, we have also discovered during this whole process that because it went on for so long, it has thrown my entire body structure off, meaning my ribs are at a 54/32 and so I'm getting less oxygen to one side of my body.
Back problems cause all kinds of problems.
The doctor calls me, "twisted" haha. And he's right.

I had my first round of injections last week...talk. about. sore. I tried not to be a baby but I'm pretty sure I made the arthritis in my momma's sweet hand worse. It was a series of 5 different shots in my spine and I feel like it made a difference but not enough. I still can't sit down for more than 5-10 minutes without pain. It looks like we'll be back for round 2 in the near future.

As for right now we are in the middle of some intense physical therapy.
Mom came with me today to see what they've been "doing" to me the last several therapy appointments...

She discovered it's not always pain-free...(haha it looks like I'm laughing...yeah, I'm not)

But I have an awesome team of therapists who the moment I walked in their center asked me, 

"Ok, so what's the goal?" 

"To get back out."

..."Ok, let's do it!" 

They are my angels.

Learning how to re-sit all over again. 

I can't tell you how complicated the human body is, ugh! 

You have to sit juuuust exactly right or everything gets out of place.

If life we're easy, it just wouldn't be hard, now would it? 
(by the way, very much enjoying Sheri Dew's advice on this subject right now...great book.)
http://deseretbook.com/Life-Were-Easy-Wouldnt-Hard-Other-Reassuring-Truths-Sheri-L-Dew/i/4952651


I wanted to share with you my first day in the field story to illustrate this very point. I never really talked about it too much before this but it was, for me quite honestly...one of the hardest days I have ever had to endure (in comparison with the day I came home). Which was weird because I had never, ever imagined myself being anything but happy, happy, happy my first day arriving to my mission. But it was anything but. However I learned from that day, the privilege of wading through the trial and paying the price to become better acquainted with God.

This is the beginning of my journal entry on that loverly first day..

"Ok. sluuuurrrred day. First day went something like this: Got back to dorm room late, coughed ALL night, got 30 minutes of sleep, coughed some more, got up at 4:30 am to make it to the bus on time, dragged my heavy heavy bags all by myself all the way to the bus, no breakfast, hugged my MTC roomies goodbye one last time, boarded bus, quietly cried on bus in the dark, arrived to SLC airport, security check, desperate plea to my Father in Heaven to help me last the day, called home from airport, sobbed the moment I heard my momma's voice, cried with her for a wonderful 20 minutes, forced to hang up, boarded rickety flight, arrived feeling more than disoriented, tried to smile and pretend I was ok, tears threatening to burst, first glimpse of President and Sister Miller, too many missionaries everywhere, picture outside temple, rushed to the church, lunch, first tracting experience, training all day long, I can't remember any of what they just told me, personal interview, testimony meeting with lots of people I don't know, dinner, REALLY going to burst out sobbing by this point, taken to random stranger's house, given bed and pillow...don't remember anything after that." 


The doctors in the MTC told me after doing X-rays of my lungs that I had a bad case of bronchitis, threatening to turn into pneumonia. They got me on antibiotics but only a few short days before I was scheduled to leave. It was only because of my pleadings that they let me leave. I had been confined to my dorm room for a week it seemed and I just didn't want to have to stay longer than needed there. Plus all of my dear missionary friends were leaving. A new group was coming in. I just wanted to get to my mission. Except I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was breathing out of a straw. The doctors hesitantly signed my release form and I was on a plane the next day. However, what I was not expecting was to get the call that Grandpa had bone cancer and only had a few short weeks to live. He passed away just a few days before I flew out. The day I left to the mission field was the day of his viewing. I was grieving...by myself. I was devastated. There was hope in the Atonement yes. I had an unfailing testimony of the great Plan of Salvation. But I was numb. I was hurting. My sweet Grandpa had just  stood in the circle to set me apart only weeks before! He was always so physically fit. The last of my grandparents I ever expected to go first. I felt a little shell-shocked and yet here I was throwing myself into a new culture, new way of living, new language, new everything. It was almost too much. (Actually at times it was...but I had help now that I look back). But I stretched. God stretched me. My empathy for others grew. Things are supposed to be hard! Because we grow tremendously! The Lord sent His angels to minister unto me during those first few weeks. I was surprisingly able to remain cheerful through it all. I had spiritual experience after spiritual experience it seemed. Strength came out of nowhere. I wish I could have seen "the behind the scenes" to it all. I know Grandpa checked in on me often. I was able to lose my sorrow as I concentrated on the work and truly forget about me. That's why I have grown to adore service. It forces you to think about everyone but you. I like taking a break from myself now and again, ya know?

That first day was a kicker...but I wouldn't change a thing about it.

A few weeks later, Sister Miller called me into President's office and told me that a new sister who had just arrived had just found out her grandmother had passed away that very day. I was able to go in with her and talk with her and just cry with her. It's amazing how God teaches you hard things so that you can in turn be there to listen to someone else and to actually  have the capacity to understand.
God puts you where He wants you.

I'm learning to...Be Firm in the Fire.





                                                       My heart still wants to smurf :)